What are the ingredients of a quality first date?
Well, think about what you want from a date. Usually, you’d like to:
- Make a connection
- Have fun
- Get to know her
- Not spend a ton of money
- And have sex
The above 5 things would constitute an awesome first date. So, if you know how you want your first dates to go, why don’t your results follow suit?
It comes down to one or more of these reasons:
- Overall inexperience with women – you aren’t comfortable with yourself or your ability to interact with women
- False assumptions about women and their desires – for example, you don’t think women like sex, especially on the first date
- Lack of initiative – you are afraid to lead women and move things forward
- Poor logistics – the date is set up in a way where sex is difficult. For example, it’s at a location far from either your place or hers
- Fear of getting sexual – you are afraid of making a move and/or communicating on a sexual level
- Hollywood stereotypes about dates – you think you need to take the girl to dinner and a movie, and then give her a proper kiss goodbye on the doorstep
You need to learn how to work through these mental obstacles. To start, you may have to “fake it till you make it”. In other words, do the right thing, even if it feels a little weird or awkward.
You see, if you go about it the right way, just about every first date can be successful. You probably won’t sleep with every girl (and you probably won’t want to), but you’ll have fun, quality dates.
Here are 7 keys to a better quality first date:
1. Avoid the B.S. Dates
You can start by scrapping date ideas like dinner and a movie. Dinner is that awkward stereotypical first date idea where you sit across the table in serious interview mode. And with movies, you can’t get to know each other.
Instead, go with dates like:
- Drinks at a local bar
- Walking in the park
- Ice cream
- Salsa dancing
My favorite is drinks at a bar, and I usually use the others for second and third dates.
The goal is to do something where it’s 1) easy to talk 2) low cost and 3) a low pressure environment.
Think of how this favors in comparison to dinner, where you’re forced to commit to a 1-2 hour ordeal with a person you know nothing about yet.
2. Get the Logistics in Your Favor
Always aim to meet at a venue within a 10-15 minute walk from your place or hers. If that’s not possible (and it SHOULD be possible), aim for a 5-10 minute drive. This makes it A LOT easier to go back to your place or hers as the date progresses.
Here’s an ideal date structure in terms of logistics:
- Start out at a bar 5-15 minutes away from your place and have one drink
- After one drink, walk to a bar even closer to your place and have one drink
- As you finish the last drink, mention that you live nearby, and ask if she wants to come by for a glass of wine
- Walk back to your place
Do some research, and find a couple cool bars in your area, and try out this date structure.
Note: Don’t get caught in no-man’s land and stay at the same bar for hours.
3. Adjust Your Assumptions
When it comes to sex or hooking up on the first date, guys often think “she’s not that type of girl.”
They assume she just wants to get to know him and have a nice time, and isn’t interested in sex at all. This is the wrong assumption, and will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead, you must assume she IS that type of girl (i.e. the type of girl who will have sex with you on the first date).
To help you internalize this assumption, here are 3 reasons why she is that type of girl…
- She’s probably had a one-night stand. A study by The Daily Mail found that nearly half of all women in their 20s have had a one-night stand, and the figure for those in their 30s and 40s was nearly as high. So, no matter how innocent she might seem, there’s at least a 50/50 shot she’s slept with a guy the first night of meeting him.
- She likes sex just as much (or more) than you. Women enjoy sex, watch porn, and have a high sex drive. The idea that men crave sex more than women is a myth. In a study of over 1500 women, 88.4% said they are easily sexually aroused, nearly 75% said they like to have sex once a day, over 80% said they enjoy masturbating to orgasm, and over 90% don’t feel guilty about it afterward.
- She wants to prove to herself that she’s worthy of men. We’ve all wanted validation from women at some point. Eventually, as you get better with women, you get past this need (hopefully). Well, women experience the same need for validation from men, especially those on the more insecure end of the spectrum.
4. Get Physical from the Start
Greet her with a hug. Lead her to the bar with your hand lightly on the small of her back. When you talk or tease each other, lightly tap her elbow or arm with the back of your hand.
Is she wearing jewelry on her hands? Usher for her hand, take it, and ask her what the jewelry means to her. Do this while lightly holding her hand open on the table or the bar.
All of this makes her comfortable with your touch and your presence. This is essential if you want any chance of leading the date to sex.
It also signals confidence and shows that you’re a sexual guy.
5. Take Initiative and Lead
Leading women is key, especially on first dates. When you can take initiative and lead the right way, everything else becomes much easier.
Here’s the key to leading: know where you’re going. If you’re following the date structure mentioned in #2, and you’re at the first bar, you know you need to lead her to the second bar, and then back to your place. You also know you need to make the conversation sexual and initiate physical touch, so she feels comfortable in your presence and understands you are a sexual man. So, when you invite her back to your place, she will be more open to the possibilities.
Sidenote: Have your place prepared before the date. Grab a bottle of wine or some beers, so you have a reason to invite her back. And make sure your place is at least relatively clean.
6. Ask the Right Questions
Connecting is fun. Plus, it makes her more comfortable in your presence. It’s a win-win. One of the best ways to start connecting is to ask the right questions.
That means open-ended questions, like:
- What are you passionate about?
- What do you find sexiest in a guy?
- What’s your dream job?
- What’s one thing I wouldn’t guess about you?
- If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?
Weave questions like these into the conversation, and then listen and relate to her responses.
This will help you open up the conversation and get to know each other.
7. Make a Move
As a default, you should just about always try to make a move on the first date. At the very least, you should go for the kiss.
Even if you go for the kiss and get denied, it still shows you’re a man who goes for what he wants.
I’ve gone for the kiss and gotten denied 3 times on a row during ONE date, and then went on to date that girl for months.
If the girl is at all interested in you, you can only help yourself by making a move. Even if she denies it, you’ll still earn her respect and she’ll probably go for it the next time you try to kiss her.
If you can nail these down, your first date quality will dramatically increase.
What’s been holding you back from having good first dates?