This blog is mostly focused on dating, but occasionally it’s good to venture a little off that topic.
Pure dating advice is great, but you need more than that to succeed with women. Your “game” isn’t just about being an amazing conversationalist (though that’s a big part of it).
To attract and keep high-quality women around for long periods of time, you need to live a lifestyle you enjoy – one that fulfills you.
I’ve managed to achieve that kind of lifestyle for myself, though I still have a lot more work to do. But over the past 2 1/2 years, I’ve lived in 6 different countries, learned Spanish, built a consistent online income, and now, I can basically live anywhere I want in the world and completely control my schedule.
How’d I do it? Well, it started by understanding that life is more than just “Doing what you love”.
And that’s what we’ll talk about today
The Problems With “Doing What You Love”
It’s the dream, right? If only you could “do what you love”, everything else would be easy. Life would be great.
Hold on a second though – have you ever met a person who “does what they love” as a career?
I have, and I’m willing to bet you have too. Doctors, lawyers, accountants, etc. – all people who’ve told me they loved their craft when they got into it, and still love it now. However, for some reason, they’re not as happy as they feel like they should be.
And this doesn’t surprise me.
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You see, back in the day when I was a young college lad, I loved accounting. I enjoyed fitting the numbers together like a puzzle, balancing money, and all the other nerdy shit that probably bores you to tears.
But after working in an accounting firm for a bit during tax season, and after seeing the lifestyles of the partners and the most successful people in the firm, I realized something…
“I don’t want this lifestyle,” I thought.
Even if a part of me loved it, I knew that accounting just wouldn’t work for me.
And that brings me to the biggest problem of doing what you love:
It Doesn’t Take Your Lifestyle Into Account
Sure, you might like the idea of being a doctor – helping people, saving the world one person at a time, etc. It’s one of the most beloved and well-paid jobs in the world, and I certainly have tons of respect for anyone in the field.
The same thing with being a lawyer, accountant, etc.
But what about the lifestyle? What about the actual day-to-day? When you think of your dream job, do you take this into account?
Your dream job may require you to work 50-60 hours a week or more. It may leave you with just a few weeks of vacation a year, and tie you down to one location for a long period of time.
The lifestyle itself may not align with your values. And this is a huge problem.
If by “doing what you love,” you force yourself into a lifestyle you don’t enjoy, then it will eat away at you day after day. Sure you might ignore it at first, but after 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, this angst will make its way to the surface.
For example, if you crave freedom and independence, you’ll yearn for more time to travel, be with your friends and family, and decide where and when you want to go places.
In other words, you’ll yearn for an escape.
Your Passions Change Over Time
Odds are, you won’t be passionate about the same things for your whole life. As you grow, your passions and hobbies will evolve. And they may no longer align with the things you “loved” a few years ago. So if your whole life was based on “doing what you love” this will eventually pose a big issue.
What You Should Do Instead
Ok, so if life isn’t all about “doing what you love,” then what should you do instead?
Determine Your Desired Lifestyle
What is your dream lifestyle? Do you want to travel the world at your leisure? Take time off whenever you want, or perhaps even work from home? Do you want to have the freedom to try new things and start new businesses without throwing your life out of whack?
After you read this post, take a few minutes to write down your dream lifestyle.
For me, that lifestyle looks more or less like the one I’m living now. In other words, a lifestyle that allows me to:
- Travel the world and live in any country I choose
- Never be tied down to one place or “job”
- Make money online without driving myself into the ground from exhaustion
- Take breaks throughout the day to hit the gym, cook lunch, hang out with friends, go on first dates, etc.
- Set aside time for new projects (like writing blog posts, writing best-selling books about dating, starting new ventures, etc.)
- Have complete freedom over how I spend my day
- Switch work locations as I choose (i.e. spending half the day working from Starbucks, and half the day working from home)
- Go on “mini-vacations” where I can explore new places without falling behind on work
- Never have to answer to a boss who tries to manage my time
For you, your dream lifestyle may look similar, or it may look completely different. It will depend on your values (if you’re not sure what your values are, take a look at this list of values and choose the 5-10 values that most resonate with you).
Figure Out How to Fit Your Passions Into That Lifestyle
Okay, now that you have your dream lifestyle in mind, what should you do next?
Well, you need to figure out how your passions fit into that lifestyle.
For example, aside from accounting/numbers, I was also passionate about writing, dating, performing, and helping people. So, to fit those passions into my desired lifestyle, I did the following:
- Learned copywriting (the art of selling through the written word i.e. sales pages, email marketing, etc.). I knew this skill would 1) allow me to write which I loved to do, 2) allow me to find online work that would allow me to travel and live wherever I wanted, and 3) help me with any future business endeavors (marketing and sales are always key).
- Started this blog. I knew this would allow me to help people and talk about dating/self-development, as well as eventually be another source of income.
- Surrounded myself with people who had my dream lifestyle (initially, by moving to Vietnam and networking with online entrepreneurs). I knew this would make the lifestyle seem more possible and help me to achieve it more quickly.
The result? Within 6 months, I went from working a shitty office job and living with my parents, to moving abroad, making money online, networking with awesome people, and beginning to achieve my dream lifestyle.
Fast forward a few years later and I have friends all around the world, I make more money each month (and save plenty in the process), and continue to spend my time exactly the way I want to. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Be Willing to Sacrifice Up Front
When trying to attain your dream lifestyle and fit your passions in, you’ll inevitably have to sacrifice. For me, that meant toiling away and learning copywriting for 6 months in my parents’ basement. I had to answer the awkward “What do you do?” question with “Well, I don’t know…” (though I didn’t really give a fuck because I knew I’d get the last laugh).
Understand that some level of sacrifice is necessary – but the reward of living your dream lifestyle will be worth it.
“Doing what you love” sounds nice – but you need to factor in more than that if you want a fulfilling life. Most importantly, you should take your desired lifestyle into account. If your dream job doesn’t align with your lifestyle (and often times, it won’t), you should take the suggestions listed here and figure out how to fit your passions into a lifestyle you actually enjoy.
Though it may surprise you, this is more possible thank you think. I know traveling nurses, location-independent accountants and lawyers, and even salespeople who’ve fit their passions into their desired lifestyle and live exactly how they want.
And if you want some extra help with this process, you can check out this post:
P.S. Want more blogs centered around lifestyle, achieving freedom, and traveling the world? Email me here and let me know!