Most men don’t know how to talk to girls and get them attracted.
Sure, they may be able to hold a conversation, have some nice small talk, and make a platonic new friend. But they don’t know how to use their words to spark a deeper level of interest and attraction in the girls they talk to.
Usually, their conversations are surface level at best. Even if they manage to breach deeper topics, they don’t breach those topics in the right way, or they don’t use those topics to push the conversation forward.
The result? They approach a girl at the bar or cafe, have a nice little conversation, then the girl walks off at some point, goes back to her friends, or starts flirting with someone else. Or, they go on a first date, talk about the usual stuff, and the girl never calls them back (or just puts them in the friendzone).
The guy is left scratching his head wondering what happened. Sometimes, he even gets bitter and angry that the girl didn’t give him the attention or attraction he felt he deserved.
The Way Most Men Talk to Girls
When I first started trying to improve my dating and conversation skills, I read all the content l I could from dating coaches and pickup “experts”. There was one thing that a lot of them said that I never understood at the time, but is now crystal clear…
Women can tell very quickly whether you “get it” or you don’t.
Those few men who “get it” see a different side of women than all the other guys who only see their polite and innocent sides. That’s how the guys who “get it” can do things that seem crazy to normal guys, like bang a girl in the club bathroom within minutes of meeting her, bring women home on just about every date, etc.
Women feel like these men understand them, and that they can be themselves around them. No judgments, no bullshit.
(If you’re reading this now, you’re that much closer to being one of the guys who “gets it”, if you aren’t already.)
And one of the biggest things that separate these guys from the rest is that they know how to talk to girls the right way – from the first words right on to the bedroom and on from there.
The way they communicate is markedly different from other guys.
On the flip side, here are the problems with the way most men talk to girls:
- They’re platonic and friendly. There’s not even a hint of sexuality behind their words. Perhaps they don’t want to offend the girl, or maybe they’re just afraid of scaring her off if they come on too strong.
- They never take risks. When they get into a good conversation, they stay there. They don’t try to change anything or move the conversation forward. Instead, they try to avoid messing things up so they can maintain that comfortable nice little conversation.
- They have no purpose. They don’t know where to lead the conversation. They’re not sure how to move it forward from one spot to the next, and hooking up with a girl becomes a matter of pure luck. These guys don’t command the situation.
So now, you’re probably wondering how to talk to girls the right way…
Well, I’ll lay out a strategy that any guy can take and use to have better conversations with girls.
If you put it into action, you won’t just improve your conversations with women, but you’ll also start to attract them with your words and have a lot more fun.
Let’s get into it…
How to Talk to Girls and Get Them Attracted
Quick note here before we dive deep…
It’s not just about the words you say – it’s also about the intent and confidence behind how you say things. Shit, you could talk about the color blue with a girl and still get her wet. This is one of the most important things to understand when it comes to how to talk to girls.
And so, I’ll cover not just what types of things to talk about, but also how to come across as a sexy man who “gets it”.
Assume She’s Attracted Before You Even Say a Word
I’ve talked about this before – hell, I’ve even called it the most important mindset to attract women.
Most men wait for signs that a girl is attracted, but the men who “get it” assume she’s already into them before they say anything at all. Part of this is reference experience – they’ve witnessed beautiful girls be attracted to them time and again.
The other part of it is a core level of confidence. They know they’re a quality guy who adds value to everybody they talk to, and feel that they’ll be improving a girl’s day when they approach her. (When you’re just starting out, you can lean on the latter until you gather enough reference experiences).
But as you learn to assume attraction with women, it’ll change the way you talk to them.
Is she dressed nice? It’s because she’s trying to impress you. She’s playing with her hair? She’s into you. She’s standing with good posture? It’s because she wants you to notice her breasts and her butt popping out.
Compare this to the “innocent until proven guilty” nice guy approach. This guy writes off all those signs. For example: “Oh, she’s playing with her hair? She must just be adjusting it;” “She made eye contact with me? Oh well, she probably has a boyfriend.”
Here’s the kicker: When you assume women are attracted to you, you’ll start acting like it. You’ll make more sexual innuendos, lead women, have a sexier vibe, and put yourself in a position to succeed. You’ll be more comfortable interacting with women because you won’t be worried about picking up on their signs of attraction. What’s more, you won’t have to wonder about how to talk to girls – it will start to come naturally as you get in tune with your male instincts.
Communicate With a Sexy Vibe
If you don’t know how to communicate with a sexy vibe, women won’t see you in a sexual way. You’ll find it difficult to blast past that platonic level of conversation and get to the fun stuff (like having mind-blowing sex).
But if you can develop a sexy vibe around women, that will change.
You’ll notice that women look at you in a different way, are more open to spontaneous adventures with you (like casual sex), and are instantly sexually attracted to you.
Here’s how to talk to girls with a sexy vibe:
- Speak to her with intent. Get in tune with why you wanted to talk to her in the first place (i.e. you thought she was sexy and wanted to meet her) and appreciate what you find sexy about her. Let those things come across in your words and eye contact so she knows exactly why you’re talking to her, even if you don’t come out and say it.
- Talk slower. When you slow down your speech, you convey power, confidence, and sexiness. Plus, what you say seems more important.
- Pause at the right time. A well-timed pause builds sexual tension, allows her to invest and talk about herself, and puts you in control of the pace of the conversation.
- Hold eye contact. Focus on holding eye contact the majority of the time you’re talking to her.
(For a more in-depth guide, read this: How to Have a Sexy Vibe Around Women)
Have a Purpose: Lead Her Through Your Words and Actions
Most men don’t know how to push their conversations forward with women. They have no purpose other than to keep a pleasant conversation going and hopefully (somehow) get the girl attracted.
But you must take a different approach. You must have a purpose and understand how to lead women.
What that purpose is – that’s up to you. Maybe you want to take things slow, get a girl’s number, and see her out for a date. Or maybe you want to move things a bit faster (which I strongly recommend) and have sex with her as quickly as possible.
Whatever the case, you should lead her forward with that purpose in the back of your mind. This will require you to take more risks, like trying to move her throughout the bar or venue, get her to leave with you, get her to follow your requests, etc.
But those risks set you apart from the average guy who just wants to maintain a pleasant conversation. You’ll very quickly see how open a girl is to your advances, showcase your dominance by leading, and get her to comply with your requests.
Here’s the thing: Women want you to lead them. For once, they want a guy who knows what he wants and knows how to take them along for the ride. When you act with this sense of purpose, you become that guy. It’s very refreshing to women when they know they can sit back and follow the lead of a strong man.
Start the Conversation
Okay, now you have the non-verbal stuff down. But to talk to girls, you need to know how to start a conversation with a girl. Luckily, this isn’t all that complicated.
You don’t need any crazy pickup line or joke. Usually, the more simple, the better.
Just remember to communicate with a sexy vibe and assume attraction when you make the approach.
Here are some ways you can start conversations with a girl:
- Be direct. Here, you tell her exactly why you’re approaching. For example, “Hey, I just saw you and thought you were really cute. I had to walk over and say hi.”
- Situational. Here, you reference something going on in the environment around you. So if you’re at a rooftop bar overlooking the New York City skyline, you could say, “This view is crazy, huh? I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
- Simple. Here, you keep it very simple. You just say, “Hey, how’s it going?” This is my favorite one for approaching girls at bars and clubs, but again, it’s important to come across with that sexual intent.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Once you start talking to a girl, you need to keep the conversation going. The best way to do that is to ask a few short-answer questions (i.e. yes/no questions or those that only require a one or two-word response), followed by open-ended questions.
Short answer questions like “Where did you go to school?”, “What do you do?”, and “Where are you from?” are okay to ask, especially at the beginning of a conversation, but unless you follow up with open-ended questions, the conversation will fall flat.
Open-ended questions require a deeper, more extended response and they break the girl out of autopilot. These are your money questions. If you can master these, you’ll be able to open up almost any conversation, and you’ll understand how to talk to girls with ease.
Here’s how you can mix these in with short-answer questions:
You: “What do you do?”
Her: “I’m an accountant.”
You: “Cool cool. How did you get into that?” [open-ended]
Her: “Well, my dad was an accountant and ever since I was a kid, I always had a dream of owning my own accounting firm. So this was kind of the first big step. It’s been pretty cool so far, but I’m working a lot.
You: “Oh wow, that’s awesome. I like a girl who isn’t afraid to go for her dreams. What makes you want to own your own accounting firm?
Her: “Well, I really like leading people and…”
The key with open-ended questions is that you need to dig a little deeper. For example, instead of asking “Did you like it?”, ask “What did you like about it?”
Use the Right Topics
The true Casanovas out there who really understand how to talk to girls are adept at hitting the right conversation topics.
A good conversation topic does at least one of three things:
- Helps you connect with her (usually by focusing on things about her). For example, topics like her dreams, her experiences, and what she loves to do.
- Pushes the date forward (escalates things and helps you move her to some place more intimate later on). For example, topics like her favorite music, what she finds sexy in a guy, and dancing.
- Handles the logistics (resolves any issues/timeframes with taking her home or seeing her again). For example, topics like what she’s up to later on/tomorrow, and what she’s up to this week.
These types of topics will give you a lot of things to discuss in your conversations, so you won’t have to worry about running out of things to say.
(For an in-depth guide on the best conversation topics, check out 20 Things to Talk About on Dates With Girls)
Keep the Conversation Focused on Her
You don’t need to talk all that much about yourself in your initial conversations with women. It’s better to keep things focused on them.
People like talking about themselves – it activates the same pleasure centers in the brain as food and money. And so, when she talks about herself around you, she’ll associate those good feelings with you.
It’s good to relate back to her with things about your life, but you don’t need to tell in-depth stories or go on and on. It’s better to keep talking about yourself to a minimum, relate back to her on a few things, and bring the conversation back over to her.
Don’t Play It Safe
I’ve always said life is too short to play it safe. This maxim also holds true when you consider how to talk to girls.
Most guys play it safe in their conversations. Hell, it’s like they’re afraid to let the girl find out that they have a dick. But if you follow everything listed here, you won’t be playing it safe.
She’ll feel your intent come across in your conversations, follow your lead, and get attracted to you. And if she’s not all that into you? Well, every girl won’t be, no matter how good you are in conversation. But this strategy will help you find out whether or not she’s into you a lot quicker, and you won’t waste time with girls who never would’ve been into you anyway.
Wrapping Up How to Talk to Girls and Get Them Attracted…
Most guys don’t know how to talk to girls and get them attracted. It’s a shame for those guys, but a golden opportunity for the few guys willing to perfect their conversation skills and attract women with their words.
You’ll start to notice that the average guy really isn’t much competition when you’re out at the bar/club, because they’re going solely on “hope”, whereas you come into the game with a solid conversation strategy.
To recap that strategy for how to talk to girls and get them attracted:
- Assume she’s attracted before you even say a word
- Communicate with a sexy vibe
- Have a purpose: Lead her through your words and actions
- Start the conversation
- Ask open-ended questions
- Use the right topics
- Keep the conversation focused on her
- Don’t play it safe
Start implementing these things in your conversations, and I promise you’ll have a much better time talking to girls.
If you liked this post, you’ll love my best-selling book: Conversation Casanova: How to Effortlessly Start Conversations and Flirt Like a Pro. You can grab the book on Amazon here.