It’s true. You judge books by their cover, and people by their appearance. That’s just human nature and it probably won’t ever change.
But your appearance is important for a different reason than you may think.
Here’s the reality: Women are more attracted to the type of guy you are than the way you look. But your appearance conveys certain traits that women value. That’s why it’s crucial – because of what it signals.
So, you don’t need to be “traditionally attractive,” but you DO need to look good.
Looking good gives you more flexibility and options. Women will be more patient with you, overlook dumb mistakes or comments you make, be more attentive when you approach, and be more receptive to your advances…all based on your looks. Think of it like this: looks don’t take you from A to Z with women, but they make B, C, D, E, F, and G a whole lot easier.
Luckily for us guys, it’s pretty simple to look good. Yet, so many guys choose to neglect their physical appearance, or just get it wrong altogether. I’ll make sure you’re not one of those guys.
Looking good comes down to a few simple things that pretty much every guy is capable of. Fitness, fashion, grooming, hygiene, and body language. You probably already have a few of these things handled. But this article will help you handle all of them and start looking the part of an attractive man. So get off the couch and get ready.
The first step is to sign up for, and start going to, a gym. As a guy, there’s really no good excuse not to go to a gym. There are plenty of cheap options (especially with $10/ month franchises like Planet Fitness). Hell, I go to a prison-style gym in Vietnam with no AC (it’s 90 degrees every day, but like a sort of polluted, humid 90 degrees), and I’m pretty sure the equipment hasn’t been washed in years.
The benefits of working out are incredible.
You’ll get into the habit of working on yourself a little bit every day. This will help you build confidence and momentum.
You don’t need to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just go online, find a good workout routine, and start going to the gym at least 3-4 times per week.
When I first started going out and actively trying to improve my success with women, I was a scrawny dude. I still did well, but I could’ve done much better. Since I’ve made working out a part of my life, I get much more attention from women. And I’m certainly not some fitness expert either. I just follow a simple routine, and work out a few times each week.
Now let’s touch quickly on health—specifically, alcohol consumption. Since college, I’ve limited my alcohol intake. There’s definitely one or two nights every few months where I get really drunk, but it’s a rare occurrence (like last weekend when I had 9 shots of tequila. Oops). Usually if I drink, it’ll only be one or two drinks. The result? I’m much sharper socially, I feel better, and I don’t spend 2-3 days every week with a terrible hangover.
I recommend you limit your drinking as well. It’s hard at first, but you quickly see the benefits. Instead of a bumbling idiot, you’ll be sharper, more clever, and able to hold a solid conversation.
Dressing well is a sign of status. Most guys don’t have the first clue about good fashion, so this is a huge opportunity to gain an edge. You don’t need to spend a ton of money on clothing, but filling your wardrobe with the right attire will go a long way.
Here’s the most important thing you need to know about fashion: fit matters. The way your clothing fits is more important than the brand and everything else.
Here are some tips on what kind of clothing to get:
A few clean, well-fitted shirts. Not too tight so you can see your pecs, but not too loose. Look for a comfortable fit with no flab. Try going down a size from what you wear now, and see how it looks.
1-2 pairs of nice jeans. I mainly wear Levis and they do the job just fine. But more expensive designer jeans are good too. Again, make sure they fit well. Don’t be that guy with baggy, sloppy jeans.
Some clean, fitted dress shirts. There’s often discount sales at stores like Macy’s and Express. Check out stores like these—they’ll have dress shirts that are specifically labeled “slim-fit”. As a general rule, always wear a dress shirt when you go out to a bar/nightclub—even if most of the guys are wearing T-shirts. It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed.
Nice dress shoes. Women notice your shoes, even if you think they don’t. For more casual events, boat shoes (like Sperry’s) will do the trick. I live in Vietnam, and it’s hot as hell all the time out here, so boat shoes give me room to breath. They’re a great summer option. But when I go to nice nightclubs and bars, I still generally wear dress shoes. You can find a good pair for around $75-$100—make the investment.
Custom fit suit. The difference between a regular suit and a custom fit suit is like the difference between taking a girl to Taco Bell and a 5-star restaurant. And the custom fit suit will only cost you an extra $100 or so. If you wear suits, this is a must-have.
Here’s a simple trick for a great hairstyle: find a picture of a soccer player on Google, go to a good hairstylist, show them the picture, and let them get to work. This might cost you $30-$40, but it will be well worth it.
Once you get the haircut from the stylist, take a picture on your phone. Then, the next time you need a haircut, go to a cheaper option, like Supercuts or a local barber shop. They can go off the picture and give you the same look for less money.
In terms of facial hair, figure out what works best for you. I’ve found that my best look is a short, trimmed beard. I trim it every few days and don’t let it get shaggy.
But maybe you look better clean-shaven, or with a big beard. Try some different grooming styles and ask your friends for their honest opinion on what looks best. But whatever you decide to do, make sure you maintain the facial hair. Women will notice.
(And please, no neck beards.)
You ever have that friend who smells like BO all the time? If you don’t, then you might be him. Please don’t be that guy.
Make it a point to ALWAYS shower before you go out, and splash on some cologne and deodorant. Women will find you more pleasant and they won’t be repelled by your scent. Because if you smell like B.O., it will be a deal-breaker for most women (rightfully so).
Body language is easy to fix with some conscious effort. Straighten up your back, put your shoulders back, hold your head up, and look straight ahead while you walk. RELAX! (A good lifting routine will also help this tremendously.)
Here are some other keys to body language:
Movement. Don’t fidget or jerk around. Confident men make controlled movements. When you slow down your movements, you signal that you’re comfortable with yourself.
Standing. Again, it’s important to be in control here. Here’s what I do, almost every time I approach a girl. I put my left foot forward, and lean back on my right foot. If the environment is loud, I’ll lean in slightly and talk in her ear, and then bounce back out to my original standing position. But I’m always calm and my movements are slow.
Be spacious. Channel your inner-Jabba-the-Hutt and take up as much space as possible. When you’re sitting down, lean back and kick your legs out. When you take up a lot of space, it’s a territorial signal that you’re the alpha male in the room and you’re the most laid back and fun.
Walking. As I mentioned before, pick your head up and look straight ahead while you walk. Also, stick your chest out and keep your shoulders back. This signals confidence. You won’t see Brad Pitt or George Clooney walking around slouched.
There you have it. If you can follow this 5-step guide, you’ll significantly improve your appearance—and you’ll be more attractive to women as a result.
Looking good is the baseline for attractiveness. But, it’s only the baseline. To naturally attract the women you want into your life, you need the whole package. You need to compliment your appearance with the vibe of an attractive man.