The words you say to a girl are important – but what’s perhaps even more important is the first impression you give off.
You can have the smoothest line in the world – but if you’re not saying it the right way or you’re making awkward movements, it won’t matter. Women will shut you down and you’ll be back to the drawing board.
The way you say your words and move your body is just as important as the actual words themselves.
They all come together to form your first impression.
So, how do you make a great first impression?
You must 1) avoid common mistakes and 2) speak and move your body in the right way.
In this article, we’ll go over common first impression mistakes, help you correct them, and get you making great first impressions around women.
Let’s get started.
First Impression Mistake #1: Talking Too Fast
“If I don’t get out my words quickly enough, she’ll stop paying attention or walk away…”
Thoughts like these sweep through our subconscious mind as we speed up our words.
But put yourself in a girl’s shoes for a second.
A guy approaches you and speeds through his introduction so quickly, you barely understand a word he says. Then, when you ask him to repeat himself, he speeds through it again.
How would this make you feel? Probably pretty uncomfortable, right?
Solution #1: Slow It Down
The slower you talk, the more you will captivate women. The faster you talk, the more you signal that you’re insecure.
As a rule of thumb, slower is better. But when you’re a little nervous and talking to a girl, you can lose track of this. You start talking faster because it’s a nervous habit. This makes her uncomfortable and kills the sexual vibe.
Instead of a slow, controlled introduction, like: “Hey…I know this is random… but I just saw you walking by… and you caught my eye…and I wanted to say hi… I’m Dave…”
It turns into: “HeyIKnowThisIsRandomButIsawyouwalkingbyandomgIhadtosayhiImdaveHowareyoudoingwhatareyouuptoomgyourehotahhh.”
Not exactly the best way to start the conversation…
So, work on slowing down your speech. Be aware of the speed that you talk, and slow it down to the point where it feels like it’s too slow. Then, slow it down another notch from there. That’s usually the right speed for making things sexual.
This alone has changed the game for many of my dating coaching clients. It’s helped them to connect with women and have far better conversations. If you remember nothing else from this book, remember this point and slow things down.
First Impression Mistake #2: Speedy, Anxious Movements
Picture an unconfident man walk into a club. How does he look?
He probably makes uncomfortable, jittery movements. He jerks his head around, as he scans the club rapidly. And when he walks around, it doesn’t seem like he has any sort of purpose. Instead, he walks fast and seems lost – even intimidated.
Have you ever seen the movie Limitless? Well, you could compare this guy to the main character of that movie when he’s not on the brain-enhancing drug.
This man is clearly not comfortable with his surroundings.
Now, perhaps you say, “I’d never be like that guy!”
But chances are, you’ve had your moments where you make jittery movements. And chances are, you occasionally fidget around when you’re talking to girls.
Perhaps you peel the wrapper off a beer can, shake your leg, or touch your face. Whatever it is, you better believe women notice.
Solution #2: Slow Down Your Movements
Powerful and sexy men move slower.
Where an insecure man might walk fast and slouch with his head down, a sexy man will walk slowly down the street with his back straight, smiling at the women who pass by.
When you slow your movements down, you’ll come off as more confident and sexually appealing.
This is especially important in a bar/club setting. Simply walking slowly and smiling will make women notice you, and they’ll start giving you approach invitations (AKA signs that they want you to approach them, like making eye contact with you, playing with their hair, etc.).
And when you approach them, the interaction will instantly have a sexual undertone.
In the past few years, I’ve witnessed this phenomenon first-hand. When I was younger, women would hardly ever toss me looks of interest. But now, whether I’m walking through the club or even on the sidewalk, I constantly get “gazes of interest” from women. It makes things a lot easier.
First Impression Mistake #3: Looking Too Serious or Too Goofy
On one end of the spectrum, you have the guy who never smiles. Whenever he’s in a conversation, he takes it seriously – too seriously.
The girl thinks, “Why does this guy seem like he has a stick up his ass the whole time?”
You never want to be the guy who takes himself too seriously…
Then on the other end of the spectrum, you have the goofy guy. This guy smiles wider than the Kool Aid Man after bursting through a wall.
This is the “friendly/goofy” smile that literally screams “just friends!”
(Think Erkle’s smile after he says his famous line, “Did I do that?!”)
You don’t want to be the goofy smile guy either. Instead, you need to strike a balance.
Solution #3: The Sexy Smile
Smiling is crucial, especially because of the phenomenon of mirror neurons. Basically, these are brain cells that cause us to feel the same emotion as we see others feeling.
But you have to get your smile right.
Don’t be like Erkle. Instead, aim for the type of smile that Ryan Gosling constantly uses in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Here are the characteristics of a “sexy” smile:
-Show very little teeth (or just keep your mouth shut)
-Smile with one side of your mouth more than the other
-It’s almost a “half smile” or slight grin, whereas the friendly guy’s smile is very broad
This is something you want to get down pat, because many women will judge you based on your smile. If you’re tired of being stuck in the friendzone, nail this one down.
First Impression Mistake #4: Slouching
Growing up, I naturally had bad posture. My back is curved, and when I’m sitting, I occasionally look like the fucking hunchback of Notre Dame.
This is something I’ve had to deal with – and I’ve had to consciously adjust my posture.
Why? Because I know how damaging bad posture can be. When you slouch, it signals to women that you’re insecure and unconfident.
Look around the room the next time you go out. You can usually tell the guys who get laid from the guys who don’t, simply based on the way they move and position their bodies.
(Hint: the guys who have success with girls don’t slouch and put their head down.)
Solution #4: Develop Strong Posture
Be aware of the way you move your body. Practice walking with your head high, shoulders back, and your body straight.
Yoga can also be extremely helpful. I started doing yoga twice a week, and after two months, I’ve already noticed a huge difference. I’m more flexible and comfortable in my body, and my posture has improved A LOT.
As a bonus, yoga is a great place to meet beautiful, fit women who are in tune with their bodies.
First Impression Mistake #5: Darting Eyes
Have you ever talked to someone who makes strong eye contact with you? It can be intense, and even a little intimidating at times.
Deep down, you know this person is confident and comfortable; otherwise they wouldn’t be able to hold such strong eye contact.
On the other hand, have you ever talked to somebody with darting eyes? They’re talking to you, but their eyes are floating around the room. They’re looking up, down, and all around, but rarely into your eyes.
It almost seems like they’re trying to hide something. It’s a weird feeling.
Darting eyes like these will ruin a first impression.
Solution #5: Strong Eye Contact
Eye contact is powerful – the brain sends out relationship-building chemicals like oxytocin when you make eye contact with somebody.
One study from the Journal of Research in Personality found that simple eye contact could actually make a person fall in love with you.
…But you need to be able to make eye contact without being creepy.
When you’re talking to women, focus on holding it for the majority of the time. Look at her right eye, so your eyes don’t shift back and forth.
When you make eye contact from the other side of the bar/club or in general, hold it until she looks away. Then, once you’ve made eye contact, walk towards her and approach her.
Good eye contact is something you must learn – so the more you practice, the better.
By avoiding these mistakes and taking the right actions, you’ll immediately improve your first impressions. This will allow you to connect with women and sexualize the conversation much easier.
This has been an excerpt from my new book, Conversation Casanova: How to Effortlessly Start Conversations and Flirt Like a Pro. You can grab the book on Amazon here, or by clicking the banner below: