It happens to the best of us.
She catches your eye, and you approach her. The conversation goes well, you connect, and she seems to embody everything you value in a woman.
Beautiful, smart, ambitious, etc.
You get her number and plan out the first date. Of course, the first date goes well too. The conversation flows, and it seems like she is as awesome as you first thought.
You start visualizing a future with this girl. You think of all the fun things the two of you can do together, the places you can go, the adventures you can have…
It’s going to be awesome, you think.
At the same time, you convince yourself how rare it is to find a girl like this. You feel like you need to make it work, because another girl like this may not come around.
And that’s when it happens…
You’ve fallen for her too quickly.
We’re all susceptible to this… from the inexperienced guy who thinks the first girl he meets like this is “the one”, to the advanced guy who is tired of unfulfilling sex with random girls, and thinks this is the “one girl” who is different.
The result is almost always the same…
Since you have so much stock in this girl, you’re behavior becomes needy, even if you don’t realize it.
You start doing things you normally wouldn’t do, like canceling plans for her, getting overly protective, and projecting a grand future with her.
“This girl is different,” you tell yourself. “It’s okay, for this girl.”
But then, even if it’s subtle, she starts to pick up on the differences in your behavior. She senses a change in your vibe.
At this point, it’s over…
You start to notice a change in her behavior. She takes longer to respond, cancels plans with you more often, and/or says she is “too busy” to hang out.
Eventually, this girl who was once so warm to you has gone completely cold…
What’s going on? How did this thing with such great potential start to crumble out of nowhere?
You wanted it too badly.
And now, you feel crushed that it’s over. None of it makes sense to you.
Here’s what really happened…
You stopped being present with her. You were no longer willing to walk away. You wanted it to work so badly that you scared her off. She sensed your desperation.
So, how do you prevent this in the future? How do you 1) avoid falling for a girl too quickly 2) avoid the neediness and desperation that come with it, and 3) stop her from “going cold”?
It comes down to few important elements…
1) Focus on Being Present With Her
Don’t let yourself get swept up in the “future” the two of you can have together. Instead, focus on enjoying the moments you spend with her.
Enjoy how beautiful she looks in that long black dress. Enjoy her laugh and quirks. Appreciate her beauty and all the things you like about her, and be thankful you get to experience it.
She will feel your presence, and it will be powerful. Most guys are off somewhere in their own head, but you’ll be right there with her, experiencing it all.
2) Embrace the Impermanence of Everything
Here’s a fact of life: All things come to end.
Even if the two of you fall in love and get married for 60 years, you can’t live forever. At some point, it will be over.
Allow yourself to acknowledge and accept this truth. Understand that things can and will be different than they are now.
Accept change and allow it to happen when it unfolds, instead of hanging on and resisting it.
A helpful thought is, “This is amazing, but I know nothing lasts forever, and that’s okay.”
3) Be Okay With Letting Go
You need to be okay with walking away. Whether it be to continue pursuing your mission in life, or because she doesn’t match up with enough of the qualities you value in a woman.
No matter how much you like her, no matter how great of a connection you have, this willingness to let go will change the dynamics of the relationship.
To develop this willingness to let go, it helps to:
- Keep your mission and purpose at the forefront of your mind (never let any one girl become your purpose)
- Understand that the world is abundant with quality women
- Know what qualities you want in a women, and don’t settle for less
These elements will make the difference between growing a potential relationship with a great girl, and losing her before it even begins.
Have you ever had a situation like this where you met a great girl and then it fell apart? What happened, and how did you feel afterwards? Did you make the same mistakes mentioned here?