It’s Christmas time. You know what that means.
Christmas socks. Colorful lights. Snow everywhere. Icy hearts that need to be melted.
And there’s ONE thing on every guy’s mind.
It’s not sex.
It’s not Santa Claus.
It’s not even that yearly Victoria’s Secret “Santa Baby” commercial.
No, it’s none of those things. It’s something much simpler, and yet profound. You might not even REALIZE you’re thinking about it. But trust me, you are.
So, what is this profound, yet simple, Yuletide thought on the minds of men everywhere?
Here it is:
“When I see a beautiful girl, how can I shamelessly flirt with her, while also saying something festive?!”
It’s the dream, isn’t it? Just casually weaving the holiday theme into your flirtatious endeavors. Truly a win-win for the ages.
But is it really possible to get the best of both worlds? To get your milk and cookies and eat them too? To be festive and flirtatious?
Well, it wasn’t…
…that is, until now.
After months of painstaking research, I’ve discovered 23 ridiculously awesome Christmas-themed “pickup lines.”
Will these lines melt her icy heart? I’ll put it this way: these lines could turn Arctic glaciers into pitiful puddles.
Without further ado, here it is.
The list that will change the way you flirt during Christmas time…forever:
1. ”Hey, my phone’s GPS isn’t working. Do you know if we’re on 34th street? Because your beauty must be a miracle.”
Every girl loves “Miracle on 34th Street”. This one is a no-brainer.
2. “If your heart was the North Pole, would you let me ride the Polar Express?”
Say this, and you can practically book your train ticket on the Polar Express of love. Just winning hearts and taking names like it’s no big deal.
3. “Hey do you mind if I take a photo? So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.”
4. “If I was the ground in the spring, and you were a snowwoman, would you melt all over me?”
If this doesn’t give her butterflies, she’ll be a caterpillar forever.
5. “If I was the mayor of Whoville, and you were the Grinch, I’d let you steal my Christmas every year.”
Grinch jokes for the win.
6. “You’re not a yankee, are you? Because I wouldn’t swap you for the world.”
A classical Christmas tradition turned into an awesome line. Her icy heart=melted.
7. “Do I look like a snowglobe to you? Because you’ve got me all shook up.”
No, you’re not Elvis. But she’s got you all shook up. Might as well let her know.
8. “My love for you is like snow in a blizzard… it shows no signs of stopping.”
Forecast for this Christmas? Hurricane of love.
9. “You remind me of a magic silk hat.” [She says, “What? Why?”]. “Because you make my snowman come to life.”
Okay this one is pushing it.
10. “Is your name Alice? Because you’ve got me walking in a winter wonderland.”
A great movie, a great song. Talk about a winning combination.
11. “Do you hear what I hear? I think it’s heaven and nature singing, because you just brought joy to my world.”
So Yuletide it hurts.
12. “Sometimes I’m rude off (Rudolph) the bat, I’m usually a carefree Prancer and Dancer, but for a Vixen like you, Cupid doesn’t need to strike me like a Comet. I won’t be Dashing away, because I’ll be Blitzen you all Christmas long. Are you down or (donner) what?”
You can’t get any more Christmas-themed than this pickup line.
13. “Are you a stripper? Because DAMN! I really want to make it rain, dear [rein-deer].”
She’ll either slap you in the face, jump into your open sleigh and sled off into the sunset, or both. Be ready.
14. “Hey, I’m not Mariah Carey… but all I want for Christmas is you.”
Shout out to Nick Cannon.
15. “Girl, you’re the missing gift under the Christmas tree that is my heart.”
She’s the only gift you want this year.
16. “I want a GPS for Christmas.” [She asks why]. “Because I just got lost in your eyes.”
Tell her to buck up and give you that Garmin like she means it.
17. “You make me want to write bad Christmas music.”
You can’t even help yourself. So infatuated.
18. “Girl, if I was an open sleigh, you’d be my one horse. But, you know, in like a cute pony sort of way.”
Last part is crucial, don’t want to directly compare her to a horse.
19. “Kiss me if I’m wrong, but Santa Claus is real, right? [She says, “No”] Well, that sucks for me [jokingly lean in for the kiss].”
This one works 60% of the time every time.
20. “Do you play basketball? Because you just shot to the top of my Christmas list.”
My personal favorite. Straight wordplay like you read about. Drake-esque, even.
21. “…you tryna go Christmas caroling later?”
No way she can pass up the chance to sing in front of random doors with you.
22. “Damn, girl. You make my jingle bells rock.”
Even if she’s not a Southern Belle.
23. It’s Christmas time. You know what that means.
She knows what it means.