It’s no secret that men and women view sex differently.
As a man, you can look at a girl and know within 3-5 seconds if you’d like to have sex with her.
For a woman, she can look at a guy and know within 3-5 seconds if sex is a possibility, but not if she’d be definitely willing to have sex with him. What’s more, that 3-5 second “sex is a possibility” decision can shift quickly as well.
There’s a lot more that goes into the decision for her than there is for you. The problem is, most men don’t understand what women need before getting sexual with a guy.
Now of course, all women are different, and they have varying sexual preferences. Some women will be more willing to jump into bed with you quickly, while others will prefer to move more slowly. Despite these differences though, there are 4 general things she needs from you before she’ll have sex.
If you know what these things are, you’ll be more aware of when a girl is (and isn’t) ready to have sex. You’ll also be able to adjust your approach to account for these things, so more women will be open to getting sexual with you.
4 Things She Needs From You Before Sex
1. She Needs to Feel Comfortable with You
Emotionally healthy women need to feel comfortable before sleeping with you. She must feel that you’re not going to judge her or think she’s a “slut”, and also that you care about her well-being.
This comfort is also important to the actual quality of the sex. Women are turned on by the whole experience – not just the physical. When she’s comfortable with you, she’ll allow herself to let go a little more and immerse herself in the sex with you.
So, how do you make women feel comfortable with you?
Avoid judgemental opinions, especially about women
Contentious and judgemental opinions are some of the worst conversation mistakes that turn women off. Instead, aim to be open and accepting in your conversations, and repel the urge to make snap judgments.
And this is kind of obvious, but worth noting: you should refrain from talking about other women as “slutty”, or generally talking bad about women for sleeping with other men. Because when you do this, she’ll feel that you’ll judge her if she chooses to have sex with you.
Genuinely care about her and her well-being
A lot of guys aim to fuck women simply to add notches to their bed post. Hell, that’s how I used to be. Every time I had a new girl, the next number would tick off in my head. It took away from the experience and likely made me seem more shallow and less trustworthy.
But you must avoid having sex with women in search of this type of validation (or an extra notch). Instead, your motivation should lie in the desire to enjoy an amazing experience with her. She’ll feel the difference and it’ll make her more comfortable around you.
Talk about emotional topics
Emotional conversation topics lay the foundation for trust and a strong connection. These conversation topics should revolve around her, as the more she tells you about herself, the more she’ll feel connected to you (and the more comfortable she’ll be around you).
Here are some emotional conversation topics you can use:
- Her dreams
- Where she wants to travel
- Her career
- Her motivations
- What she loves to do
And once you hit on topics like these, you can dive deeper by asking the right questions to open up the conversation.
2. She Needs to Feel That It’s Worth the Risk
Women are very aware of the risks of sex – much more so than men. Here are some of the risks from their point of view:
- The risk of getting pregnant. This is huge for women because they’re the one who has to carry the baby.
- The risk of STDs. Women are far more likely to be affected by STDs. Most men are just carriers (so they don’t have any physical effects), but women are at risk for not just STDs, but also STD-induced diseases like different types of cancer.
- The social risk that people will think she’s a slut. We all know how our society looks at women who have a lot of sex.
- The risk of an awkward sexual experience. Some guys are terrible at sex, and she’d rather avoid these awkward experiences.
This risk awareness is also biological. Think back to the hunter-gatherer days. If a woman got pregnant, she’d face a myriad of potential threats. The man could leave her and she’d be forced to fend for her and her child in a very dangerous world.
Here’s how to activate the feeling that it’s worth the risk for her:
- Make her comfortable around you. See the points from #1 above.
- Always use protection. This shows her that you’re a man who also understands and heeds the risks involved.
- Make a concerted effort to get to know her. Show genuine interest when she tells you about herself, instead of just waiting for her to finish talking so you can talk more.
- Provide her with good emotions. The better she feels, the more likely she is to follow your lead as well as take things to the next level with you. So, you should be leading her and managing her emotions throughout the interaction.
3. She Needs to Trust You
Women don’t like shady characters. She needs to feel she can trust you before she can fully give herself to you and get immersed in the experience. Now, she doesn’t have to trust you with her deepest darkest secrets, but she should at least have enough trust in you to feel like you’re not trying to take advantage of her or harm her, and that you generally have her best interests at heart.
Again, this comes from being accepting and non-judgmental, as well as genuinely caring about her.
Here’s how you can gain her trust:
Cultivate a genuine love of women
A woman can feel the difference when she’s interacting with a man who genuinely loves women and one who does not.
She quickly develops trust with the man who loves women. She can sense he has no ulterior motive, he enjoys the moment, he understands her, and he appreciates her beauty. And as a result, she is more comfortable moving things further with this man.
Here’s how you can cultivate a genuine love of women:
- Accept responsibility. Remove the blame from women and put it on yourself (i.e. instead of “I can’t believe she rejected me! What a bitch!”, you’d think, “That didn’t go well. What can I do better the next time?”
- Understand that women are emotional. The way you analyze situations and problems is much different – much more logical – than the way women do. And so, you must cater to their emotions when interacting with and attracting them.
- Appreciate her beauty. Focus on what you find sexy about her rather than the anxious thoughts that may run through your mind when you interact with a girl.
- Have a mission outside of women. If you don’t have a mission in life outside of women, you’ll rely on women to fill needs that they cannot fill, and this will undermine your relationships and make you bitter.
Don’t be desperate for sex
Women don’t want to feel like you’re desperate for sex. Yet the average guy signals exactly that.
When a girl says the typical, “You know we’re not having sex tonight, right?”, he gets reactive and offended. Even if he doesn’t outright say so, the girl can tell that this has made him angry, and that he is indeed desperate for sex. This also signals that he probably doesn’t have too much sex and he’s not abundant with women.
You should take the opposite approach, and it instead have a more relaxed attitude when it comes to sex. Sure, you’d like to have it and it’d be a fun experience, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t. When women see you have this relaxed attitude, they’ll actually be a lot more comfortable having sex with you.
Overcome her objections
Women will sometimes object to requests like going home with you and sleeping with you. The reason she objects usually has nothing to do with whether she actually wants to do the thing or not, but it’s more related to her social programming.
And that social programming usually tells her things like, “If I go home with this guy, my friends will judge me,” or, “If I sleep with this guy on the first date, that must mean I’m slutty.”
So if you can keep a cool head and overcome these objections (while of course recognizing that “no means no”), you can earn her trust and make her comfortable having sex with you.
4. She Needs You to Initiate it
Women want men to initiate sex. For one, this removes the feeling of being a “slut” that’s ingrained in her head from society and social conditioning. When you’re the one who initiates sex, she can rationalize it as, “He did all the work, he led me to sex, I just went along for the ride.”
It also shows masculinity and sexual confidence. Instead of waiting or hoping for sex to “just happen”, you actively lead her along the journey in a way that you both enjoy the experience.
Plus, leading her will turn her on. Throughout the process, you’ll be infusing sexual undertones into the conversation and putting the idea of sex in her mind.
Here’s what you can do to initiate things:
Make the conversation more sexual
Throughout the conversation, you should infuse a few sexual innuendos and jokes. The key is that you want to insinuate that sex is on the table without bluntly stating it. You also want to get her thinking of the possibility of sex with you.
A quick way to do this is to ask a question like, “What do you find sexy in a guy?”
For more help with this, check out this post: 3 Ways to Make Your Conversations Sexual
Actively lead her
Remember, she wants to feel like she’s along for the ride. So, you actually have to take her along for the ride.
Here’s how to do that:
- Set up your dates in a way where sex is possible. Always aim to meet at a venue within a 10-15 minute walk from your place or hers. If that’s not possible (and it SHOULD be possible), aim for a 5-10 minute drive. This makes it A LOT easier to go back to your place or hers as the date progresses (you should also follow this first date structure).
- Get physcial. Greet her with a hug. Lead her to the bar with your hand lightly on the small of her back. When you talk or tease each other, lightly tap her elbow or arm with the back of your hand.
- Always have your place prepared. When it’s time to move her, make sure that your panty-dropping bachelor pad is ready to go.
Make the Move
This is an obviously necessary part of initiating things. Usually girls won’t make the first move, so the responsibility is on you. A good rule I like to go by is that when I feel like I want to make a move on a girl, I go for it. I don’t force it because I think “it’s the right time”. However, if you don’t fully trust your male instincts yet, you can use this article as a guide:
Remember: Every Woman is Different
Like I said, all women are different, but these are the general things they need from you before they’ll have sex.
Somen women will need to feel a higher level of comfort, while others will just need to feel like you’re a somewhat normal guy. As you work these things more into your interactions, you’ll get a better sense of which are more important for different types of women.
But you’ll already be ahead of most guys who don’t even take these things into account in the first place.
One more point to add: there’s no specific “time limit” for these things. Some women will be ready for sex with you after an hour (or sometimes even less), while others will hold off until the second or third date (and maybe more, in rare cases). But the better you at are achieving these 4 things, the quicker you’ll be able to bed women.
Most men play a guessing game when it comes to getting sexual with women. They don’t have a great sense of when she’s ready, and so they often make a move too soon or too late, and miss their window. Or, they miss these things completely and don’t get her sexually interested at all.
If you follow along with this post and apply the knowledge, you can usually avoid these problems.
To recap, here are the 4 things she needs from you before sex:
1. She Needs to Feel Comfortable with You
2. She Needs to Feel that it’s Worth the Risk
3. She Needs to Trust You
4. She Needs You to Initiate it
Take these things into account on your dates and interactions with women. By doing so, more women will be open to getting sexual with you, and you’ll both have a more enjoyable experience with each other.
Until next time,
P.S. When you master conversation and flirting, you’ll have a much easier time making things sexual with women. For help with this, you can check out my best-selling book Conversation Casanova: How to Effortlessly Start Conversations and Flirt Like a Pro