It sucks to be the nice guy. Most of us hear the infamous “Let’s just be friends,” speech at least once or twice. But as you grow and become a man, this should no longer be an issue.

However, I constantly hear guys complaining about how they can never find a girl because they are just too much of a gentlemen.

I hate to break it to you, bro. You are pathetic. There’s really no way of getting around it. You are a complete wimp, weenie, and all around sorry excuse for a man.

While you’re whining and complaining that life isn’t fair, guys like me are having one night stands with your dream girl who you swear “isn’t that kind of girl.” And the funny part is, your “dream girl” will show me all of your pathetic texts and Facebook messages afterwards.

I’m not trying to be a pompous asshole, but you need the harsh medicine. This is just a fact of life.

But don’t get angry and defensive just yet. I feel your pain, and I’ve been there many times before. If you’re clueless as to why you keep getting the dreadful “Let’s just be friends” speech, this post will show you the light. I’ll take you through one of my own painful stories and reveal the reasons you keep getting rejected.

 

I was very shy back then. My massive overbite was in the midst of receding, and it was all thanks to the help of my very bulky retainer. Unfortunately I had to wear this retainer during school. I could never speak clearly and my cheeks were pushed out, which made me look like I had some sort of deformed balloon face. This was not the best look for a fifth grader. I was very self-conscious.

Everybody has their school crush, even the shy kids with big retainers and overly swollen cheeks. I was no exception. My crush was one of the popular girls. She was a beautiful blonde, and, as far as my fifth grade mind could comprehend, she was my dream girl. I had to have her. I knew that if I tried, I could figure out some way to make her like me.

I saw plenty of movies where the geeky guy gets the beautiful girl. I didn’t exactly have it down to a science but I knew it was possible. If Hollywood told me so, it had to be true. And then one night it finally dawned on me: Valentine’s Day! That’s right, Valentine’s Day was right around the corner. I would get her a card professing my love. I would even throw in a Christina Aguilera CD- I knew she was a big fan. I finished it off by writing “Love, Dave” inside the card. This was practically a foolproof plan. It was perfect. She was going to fall for me.

Valentine’s Day was here. I had been building up all of my courage for this moment. I was finally going to get my dream girl. As I anxiously waited for the clock to strike 3pm, I nearly talked myself out of it several times. But I had to go through with it. This was my shot. She was going to like me once I gave her the card- I was sure of it.

As the clock struck 3pm, the class lined up to exit the building. The magic moment was here. It was time. But I couldn’t do it. I freaked out. I was paralyzed by my fear and I could barely even take a step in her direction. So I did the next best thing. I gave the card to her friend and told him to pass it along to her. As we exited, I practically sprinted home. I was petrified to see her immediate reaction. I was such a loser, but at least I knew she got the card. My plan was now in action. There was no turning back.

I realized that I couldn’t run forever. For better or worse, I was going to see her reaction the next day at school. I triumphantly walked in, half expecting my crush to embrace me and confess her feelings of love. The shy kid was finally going to win!

She was walking towards me. The suspense was killing me. But she said something to me in that next  moment that I will never forget:

“Aww thank you, Dave. That was so sweet of you.”

And that was all we ever spoke of it.

There was no love confession or embracing. Just a thank you. That was it. I was shattered. All that work for nothing. My plan had failed miserably. I would never get my dream girl. I had absolutely no idea why this didn’t work; this wasn’t like the movies at all. It was supposed to be different! After this, every interaction with her was filled with awkwardness and intense embarrassment. It was devastating.

Does this story sound familiar to you? Maybe you confessed your love for a crush and were met with the same polite (but shattering) rejection. You might have angrily thought to yourself that they were right; nice guys do finish last! Or maybe you were good friends with a girl and finally confessed your feelings for her face to face, only to be met with the “Let’s just be friends” speech. You had watched her date evil boyfriends over and over again and had her heart constantly broken. If only she realized the perfect guy was right in front of her.

“Nice guy” syndrome hits nearly every man at one point or another. Don’t be ashamed of it. Recognize the mistake, learn from it, and move on.

What I’m about to say may be a little controversial and will likely offend some people. I went through a few more intensely embarrassing situations like the one above before I came to this realization. But it was one of the most profound realizations I’ve ever had.

5 Reasons Why “Nice Guys” Deserve to Finish Last

1. Ulterior Motives

I made a crucial mistake back in fifth grade- I had an ulterior motive. Of course I wanted to make her happy with my Valentine’s gift, but that wasn’t my main goal. I wanted her to like me, and I thought the gift would help my cause. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this is one of the creepiest things a guy can do. It was a purely selfish motive.

At face value, it simply appeared that I was giving a free gift. But it was not really free. There was an underlying expectation that I would receive something in return- her affection. Many men make this same mistake without even realizing it.

You don’t need to necessarily give her a literal gift- it can be something as simple as your attention. But whether you are buying her a drink or listening to her go on about her relationship problems, you must ask yourself this important question: “Why am I doing this?” Are you listening to her because you genuinely care about her issues or are you really just trying to make her feel comfortable so you can weasel your way into her pants? Be honest with yourself. Don’t buy her a drink just so you can win five minutes of her attention. Women have great intuition and they will almost always see through your facade and recognize your ulterior motive.

2. Cowardice

Nice guys are cowards. I fully recognize this because I used to be the “nice guy”. Did it take some SERIOUS balls to give my crush that card? You better believe it did. But this doesn’t change the fact that it came from a position of cowardice. I was too afraid to blatantly express my attraction for her in person. In fact, I was too much of a coward to even hand her the gift myself.

This cowardice stayed with me for years. Countless dates fizzled out because I was never honest with my intentions. I would ask a girl to the movies; we would sit there and nothing would happen because I was too afraid to make a move. It was pathetic.

A nice guy’s BIGGEST FEAR is rejection. He doesn’t want to come on too strong because he might scare her away. Even worse, she may figure out that he’s hitting on her. This is too much pressure for a nice guy to handle.

Nice guys like to stay neutral. They are petrified of polarizing an interaction because it forces the girl to make a quick decision. When a man states his interest, a women must decide whether she is also interested. If not, then she will likely reject the man. But rejection is OKAY. If there is not mutual interest, there is no point in wasting each other’s time- it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. A “nice guy” doesn’t understand this.

Nice guys are controlled by their fear. It takes a real man to recognize, lean into, and act despite his fear. He is honest with women- he doesn’t pussyfoot around his intentions. He knows what he wants and goes for it. A real man offers value to a woman- a “nice guy” unconsciously sucks her value to feed his own desperate insecurities.

3. Indecisiveness

A “nice guy” is not dominant. He does not lead the interaction. Instead, he passes off decisions to the woman because he is afraid of angering her. Now I’m all for the female equality movement, but that doesn’t change this fact: women have a stinging desire to be led by their man. It is in their nature to be attracted to dominance. Nearly all women will agree that indecisiveness is one of the most unattractive qualities in a man.

Don’t be afraid to lead her. Whether it be on a date or in a bar, leading her is essential. It can be as simple as telling her to go to the dance floor with you. Dominance and leadership can create powerful attraction. Don’t be afraid of a bad reaction. Go for it and find out.

4. Desperation

One thing is for certain: a “nice guy” is living in scarcity. He will scrape and claw and exert all his effort just to get the attention of a girl. He tells himself “She’s different. I like this girl. She’s polite and she just wants a nice sweet guy like me.” They will wine and dine their woman for fear of losing her. They don’t think they can do any better. As a matter of fact, that is not even in their headspace. They get hooked in by girls very easily.

They must accept the harsh truth. Even if they manage to get a girlfriend, it will not go well. Enough neediness and desperation will repel nearly every girl away at some point. And when they have that long business trip away from home, she will meet a real man and cheat on the nice guy in a second. It’s only a matter of time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this happen.

5. Whining

The nice guy is always whining that life is unfair. “Why do the jerks get all the girls?!?” he asks himself. “I would treat her like a princess! She deserves so much better.” The truth is she probably deserves better. But that doesn’t mean you should put her on a pedestal and worship her like she’s larger than life. That’s weird and desperate. She might enjoy it for a little while, but it won’t last. The “nice guy” needs to stop whining and start taking control. The truth is, he is completely responsible for the success or failure of his relationships- so he should stop blaming the assholes for taking his girl. Once he stops whining and starts taking control, his success will improve dramatically.

It may be hard to admit that you’re a “nice guy.” But, as they say in rehab, the first step is admitting you have a problem. It’s okay if you’ve been getting your ass handed to you by the jerks of the world. That no longer matters. Your past is irrelevant. The truth is, you have what it takes. You can take control right now and become a man. It’s a process, and it’s not always easy to shed your “nice guy” layers. But embrace your authentic manhood and let it shine through to the women of the world. They will enjoy this more than any gift you can give them.