You ever see a beautiful woman walking down the street?

You check her out for a second, consider approaching her, then tell yourself, “No, she wouldn’t be into me. Maybe next time”…

Whether consciously or subconsciously, this has happened to pretty much all of us at some point. Maybe she was a girl you saw walking down the street, at the bar, or sitting across from you in class – you thought about saying “Hi”, but then gave yourself some sort of excuse as to why you shouldn’t.

And it sucks, because these excuses prevent you from meeting a potentially awesome girl.

But it gets worse – it’s not just the excuses that prevent you from approaching women in the moment. You see, the real insidious excuses are those that prevent you from even trying to succeed with women in general.

Those that make you think, “What’s the point of even trying?” and make you become bitter.

Today, let’s uncover some of the most uncommon excuses. By understanding what the excuses are, you can recognize them and call yourself on your own bullshit. As a result, you can stop holding yourself back from the women you truly want.

Bonus: Get free access to my new course and discover the 5 conversation mistakes that put you in the friendzone.

Here are 7 excuses that hold you back from meeting great women…

1. “I Need to Get My Life ‘Figured Out‘”

This is one of the most common excuses I hear from guys. I got an email the other day from a guy talking about all of the issues in his life, then he finished it up with:

“Given the above information, would you agree that my living situation, finances, and social circle need to drastically change before women should ever be worried about?” 

My answer?


When I first started trying to improve with women, I was 1) living at home, 2) had a lackluster social circle and 3) had very little income from a crappy administrative job.

But once I started improving with women, all of those areas transformed. I write a lot about that in my blog and in my book, and it culminates in this post I wrote which I recommend you check out:

How to Get Good With Women And Why It’s the “Gateway Drug” to Your Life’s Success

If you’re not having dating success, it’s likely dragging you down in other areas. And it will be very difficult to pull yourself up until you start working on that part of your life.

Sure, as you improve your finances, social circle, living situation, etc. it becomes easier to hold down a relationship with a high-quality girl. But you can (and should) work on all of these as you go.

Trust me, you don’t want to be the dude who “gets his shit figured out” and THEN tries to improve with women. That’s why a lot business owners and startup founders suck with women – they put their social life and relationships to the wasteside for far too long.

Here’s the reframe for this excuse:

“I will “figure my life out” as I go, and I will improve in other areas as I get better with women.”

2. Physical Insecurities like, “I’m Too Short / Fat / Bald/ etc.”

If only I had bigger muscles, she would be into me!

One of my friends likes to joke around and say, “Of course women like you, you look like a Nordic God!”

I won’t sit here and tell you that looks don’t matter. Good looks help you get more initial attraction with women, draw more “approach invitations”, and give you a little more wiggle room to screw up in your interactions.

But they are not the be-all end-all. In other words, you don’t need to be a 6-foot-something Nordic God to attract women.

There are plenty of guys who aren’t “traditionally good looking” that still have tons of success with women.

Hell, one of my best friends is a 5’6” ginger guy, and he consistently crushes it with women.

That being said, there are things you can and should do to naturally improve your looks, like lift weights, wear better-fitting clothing, get a good haircut, etc. In other words, you can still “look good” even if you’re not traditionally attractive.

Here’s the reframe for this excuse:

“I can naturally improve my looks – but I’ll never blame them for any lack of success with women.”

3. “I Don’t Make Enough Money”

When you make a lot of money but she’s still not impressed

You go out to the bar/clubs and see some of the hottest girls hanging around the “rich-looking” dudes at tables. As a result, it’s easy to think that you need to make a lot of money to attract high-quality women.

Like being naturally good-looking, it helps to have a lot of money. And it can also help you get exclusive access to venues with hotter girls. But again, it’s not necessary. And most of the time, those girls are just using the rich guys for their tables and drinks. With a little bit of game, you can pull those table girls right from under their nose.

You should always be working to improve your finances. That’s part of being an attractive man, and part of why I advocate quitting your shitty job and achieving freedom. But along the way (and even when you’re absolutely broke), you can still attract high-quality women.

Here’s the reframe for this excuse:

“I’ll always work to improve my financial situation. But I don’t need to make a lot of money to attract high-quality girls.”

4. “I’m an Introvert”

So pensive

A lot of introverted guys feel like they can’t attract the women they want. I won’t speak much on this one, because I’m about as extroverted as they come. But I will tell you that there are plenty of resources to help introverted guys crush it with women.

While all the advice on this site will help you, you can also check out blogs like Introverted Alpha from my friend Sarah Jones. She’s been helping introverted guys improve with women for years, and understands them better than anyone I know.

Here’s the reframe for this excuse:

“Introversion is not an unattractive quality, and I can still attract beautiful women.”

5. “There are no Beautiful Women in this City”

I won’t bullshit you here. The city you live in has a big impact on your chances to attract high-quality women, strictly from a numbers perspective.

For example, if you live in a small city in the midwest, you’ll have a harder time meeting attractive women than you will if you live in New York City. Hell, you can practically trip into bed with a model there if you know what you’re doing.

Still, there are attractive women in every city and you can find them if you put in the work. That being said, if you want to attract a high-quality girl you’d be better off moving to a bigger city where hotter women congregate.

Further reading: Where to Meet Attractive Women in Your Twenties

Here’s the reframe for this excuse:

“The city I live in is not an excuse. If I want to expose myself to more high-quality women, I can move to a bigger city.”

6. “Women are Shallow/Mean”

This excuse originates from feelings of bitterness around women. And there are plenty of reasons why you might have bitterness. For example:

  • You’ve been rejected in the past and now you hold a grudge against women
  • You feel like you were treated badly in a relationship
  • You weren’t part of the “popular group” of kids growing up

Whatever the case, this excuse will kill your chances with women. To drop it, you must learn how to genuinely love women.

Here are some tips for that:

  • Accept responsibility for your life and your actions
  • Understand that women are emotional
  • Appreciate their beauty

Here’s the reframe for this excuse:

“Women are funny and cute, and I will learn to genuinely love them.”

7. “I Don’t Want to Feel the Rejection”

Rejection is a tough pill to swallow. But in order to improve with women, it’s one that you must choke down.

When you work to improve yourself in any area, your results won’t be perfect (especially at the outset). When it comes to improving with women, you’ll probably make dumb conversation mistakes, fail to lead her the right way, kiss her at the wrong time, etc. Some of these things will result in rejection.

But instead of getting butthurt about the rejection, you should step back, be self aware, and choose to learn from the mishap. In doing so, you’ll get better with women with each rejection, instead of bitter that it didn’t work out.

Here’s the reframe for this excuse:

“Rejection is a necessary step on the path to improving with women. Each rejection is an opportunity to learn and improve.”


Don’t let excuses like these stop you from going for the women you want. Instead, be aware of the excuses, drop them when they come up, and give yourself no other option but to succeed with women.

To recap, here are the top 7 excuses that hold you back from the women you want:

  1. I need to get my life “figured out”
  2. Physical insecurities like, “I’m too short/fat/skinny/bald/etc.
  3. I don’t make enough money
  4. I’m an introvert
  5. There are no beautiful women in this city
  6. Women are shallow/mean
  7. I don’t want to feel the rejection

Have you caught yourself making any of these excuses? Have any other excuses crept in? Let us know in the comments below!

Ready to stop making excuses and start talking the women you desire? Then click the link below to grab a copy of my best-selling book about conversation and flirting:

Conversation Casanova: How to Effortlessly Start Conversations and Flirt Like a Pro