“How’d your date go?”
“It didn’t happen, man. She flaked.”
“Well, did you confirm the date beforehand?”
“Yes. I sent ‘Hey, are we still down?’ four hours before the date…”
I had this conversation with a coaching client last week…
And it made me realize a lot of guys don’t know the proper way to set up and confirm a date.
You see, you can do everything right. But if you fuck up the set up and confirmation, she’s much more likely to “flake” or just cancel the date at the last minute.
On the other hand, if she’s on the fence about you, but you set up and confirm the date in a strong way, it can spike her attraction for you and lead to a successful date.
The Real Reasons Why Women Flake on Dates
Before we get into things, it’s important to understand the “Why”.
It comes down to three main things:
1) She’s not invested in the interaction.
In other words, her plans with you don’t feel “real”. Sure, the date could happen, but you haven’t shifted it from a possibility to a set plan.
You haven’t set yourself apart by exuding confidence, leading her, and making concrete plans. To her, you’re just another random guy who wants to hang out.
Because the plans don’t feel real, it’s easy for her to cancel or not respond to your text. She can easily rationalize flaking on you.
2) You did some weird shit when you were getting her number/setting up the date/or confirming the date.
Women don’t like weirdos – they try to avoid dealing with them as much as possible. But unfortunately, us guys do weird shit all the time, like:
- Trying to be the over-accommodating nice guy (i.e. trying to plan the date at the perfect time and in the perfect location to accommodate all of her needs)
- Not being direct about the date (i.e. trying to make her laugh through text instead of actually setting up the date)
- Sending awkward follow-up texts after you get her number
3) She’s not interested.
Sometimes, she just doesn’t like you that much. For whatever reason, she gave you her number, but she never really had any intention of meeting up with you again.
Now, sometimes women flake for reasons out of your control. But if you follow the simple process I outline here, you can dramatically reduce the number of times women “flake” on you for dates.
Setting Up the Date
Once you get a girl’s number, your main goal is to meet up with her for a date as quickly as possible. The more time that passes between getting her number and setting up the date, the more likely she is to say “no” or flake on you.
In order to do that, you need to lead the conversation through texting.
Here are a few rules for leading the conversation to a date after you get her number…
1. Start with a short statement that jogs her memory of you and your initial interaction (Bonus points if it’s funny)
For example, if you met her at a salsa dance night, you could say something like, “Hey [name], my hips are still sore from all that salsa dancing. You need to go easy on me next time!”
2. Build a little rapport (if you didn’t get a chance to in your first interaction or if it’s from online dating)
Get to know her a little bit. This can be a brief 2-3 text conversation with some funny banter. For example:
“So, what do you do when you’re not salsa dancing the night away? :p”
3. Shift to setting up the date
Ask if she wants to hang out, then set a time/place. Don’t overthink this. Something simple works, like:
“Let’s grab a drink this week. There’s a bar on Comm Ave with $4 margarita specials. What works better for you, Tuesday or Thursday night?”
Confirming the Date
Once the date is set up, don’t wait too long to confirm it. Take another look at my coaching client’s mistake from the beginning of this article. He waited until 4 hours before the date to confirm, and he did it in an awkward way (“Are we still down?”). At that point, it was almost certain she would flake.
You should confirm the day before, with something simple like:
“Hey [name], are we still on for tomorrow night?”
And then, confirm again the day of (earlier in the day, 5-6 hours before the date). You can say:
“Hey [name], I’ll see you at [place] at [time].”
Why confirm this way? There are four reasons:
1) If you wait too long to confirm, she already has it in her mind that the date won’t happen.
2) It puts the pressure on her to at least respond. Otherwise, she’ll have to admit to herself that she’s flaking on you – and people don’t like to do that (it’s much more difficult to rationalize).
3) It makes the date “concrete” in her mind.
4) It signals that you’re the kind of guy who follows through on his word, and values his own time.
There you have it. If you follow this process, I guarantee you’ll have a lot less “flakes” and a lot more dates.
So, keep this in mind and start getting more dates going into the new year.
Still getting flaked on for dates? It’s a sign you need to come up with better date ideas.
If you liked this post, you’lll love my new best-selling book: Conversation Casanova: How to Effortlessly Start Conversations and Flirt Like a Pro. You can grab the book on Amazon here, or by clicking the banner below: