A coaching client of mine recently complained that women don’t see him in a very “sexual” way.
They see him either as a friend, or as the “provider” type that could make a good potential boyfriend in the future, but not as the “fun, sexy guy” they’d like to have an adventure with right now.
And so, having casual sex has been somewhat of a challenge for him.
You may be familiar with this problem. It’s common among many men.
If you don’t have a sexy vibe, women don’t usually see you in a sexual way. And so, it’s a lot harder to have casual sex (if that’s what you’re after). Plus, it feels a little awkward when you make a move too quickly…
But if you can develop a sexy vibe around women, that will change.
You’ll notice that women look at you in a different way, are more open to spontaneous adventures with you (like casual sex), and are instantly sexually attracted to you.
Women will do things with you that they wouldn’t dare try with “unsexy men”, like have sex in the bathroom, go home with you the first night, etc. Better yet, it will all feel natural (compared to the awkwardness of a neutral guy who tries to get sexual quickly).
So, how do you have a sexy vibe around women? There are two elements to this:
- The Surface level (what she can see). These are things you can physically do right now to have a sexy vibe around women.
- Under the hood (your mindset and characteristics). These are things you must develop and internalize over time.
You can do the surface level stuff now and sort of “fake it till you make it,” until you fully develop the “under the hood” stuff.
The positive reference experiences you gain from the surface level stuff will make it easier to develop the rest.
Keep this in mind as we dive into these two elements.
How to Have a Sexy Vibe Around Women: The Two Elements
1. Surface Level (What She Can See)
These are the physical gestures you can do right now to have a sexy vibe.
Remember: the more you do these, the more positive reference experiences you will gain, and the easier it will be to develop the right mindsets and characteristics.
Picture a confident “bad boy” type of guy you see in movies, like James Bond. He’s undoubtedly a character who has a sexy vibe around women.
Now ask yourself: how does he talk?
Does he speed through his sentences, hoping to get his words out before people get bored and stop listening?
No, right? He usually delivers his words slowly, and in doing so, he captivates people. They hang on his words.
When you slow down your speech, you convey power and confidence. Plus, what you say seems more important.
So, talk slower than you think you should be talking, and then talk even slower. Experiment with it a bit and notice how people’s reactions change.
Powerful and sexy men also move slower.
Where an insecure man might walk fast and slouch with his head down, a sexy man will walk slowly down the street with his back straight, smiling at the women who pass by.
When you slow your movements down, you’ll come off as more confident and sexually appealing.
This is especially important in a bar/club setting. Simply walking slowly and smiling will make women notice you, and they’ll start giving you approach invitations.
And when you approach them, the interaction will instantly have a sexual undertone.
Pause at the Right Time
Us guys tend to talk more and more when we get nervous. We’re afraid that if we let the conversation die down, she’ll get up and leave. So, we go on and on, hoping to find a topic that interests the girl, and strike up a good conversation.
Here’s the problem: the point is not to get her interested in your choice of topics; it’s to get her interested in you.
A well-timed pause builds sexual tension, allows her to invest and talk about herself, and puts you in control of the pace of the conversation.
It also signals that you’re confident and comfortable around women. Perhaps even better, it signals that you’re in control – a trait that women love.
When to pause:
- When you’re considering the best way to say something
- After she asks you a question
- After asking intriguing questions
- After you make a statement
Hold Eye Contact
Eye contact is powerful – but you need to be able to make eye contact without being creepy.
When you’re talking to women, focus on holding it for the majority of the time. Look at the bridge of her nose instead of into one of her eyes, so your eyes don’t shift back and forth.
When you make eye contact from the other side of the bar/club or in general, hold it until she looks away. Then, once you’ve made eye contact, walk towards her and approach her.
The Sexy Smile
Smiling is crucial, especially because of the phenomenon of mirror neurons. Basically, these are brain cells that cause us to feel the same emotion as we see others feeling.
But you have to get your smile right.
Here’s how “friendly” men smile
Don’t be like this guy. Instead, aim for the type of smile in the first picture.
You can instantly come across as more sexual just by the way you smile.
Here are the characteristics of a “sexy” smile:
- Show very little teeth (or just keep your mouth shut)
- Smile with one side of your mouth more than the other
- It’s almost a “half smile” or slight grin, whereas the friendly guy’s smile is very broad
This is something you want to get down pat, because many women will judge you based on your smile. If you’re tired of being stuck in the friendzone, nail this one down.
Tone of Voice
Here’s another tendency of nervous men: They talk with a higher-pitched voice. This is an instant turn-off for women, and will get you labeled in the “just friend” category.
The problem is, when you’re nervous, you tend to speak from your throat. Instead, try speaking with a deeper voice by speaking from your belly. Practice projecting your voice.
And don’t let yourself trail off and finish sentences in a high pitch, as is very common.
2. Under the Hood (Your Mindset and Characteristics)
These are the mindsets and characteristics you will develop over time. When you combine these with the surface level stuff, you’ll truly have a sexy vibe that puts you ahead of 99% of men.
The “Assume Attraction” Mindset
This is one of the most important mindsets you can have when interacting with women.
It boils down to this: “I’m a sexy man and women find me attractive.”
Your assumptions and your beliefs often reflect your reality. In this case, when you assume women are attracted to you, you’ll convey both confidence and pre-selection (i.e. women have liked you in the past). These combine to make you seem much sexier to women.
To develop this mindset, be aware of the way you feel around women. When you see a girl you’re attracted to, what’s the first thought that goes through your head?
For most guys, it’s some combination of “I want to talk to her but she might reject me,” “It’s not worth it, she probably has a boyfriend,” or “She’s too pretty, she’ll never like me.”
Try to notice these limiting thoughts, and replace them with the more powerful thought: “I’m a sexy man and women find me attractive.”
You’ll internalize this mindset over time, and it’ll be easier and easier as you collect more positive reference experiences.
Most men are either the “nice guy” or the “macho guy”. They are on one extreme end of the spectrum or the other. This is mostly do to what they believe will help them attract women.
But there’s a whole spectrum – and extremes are rarely good. The key is to strike the right balance.
Nice when you need to be, and dominating and leading when the time is right.
You’re not an asshole, but you’re also not a pushover. You care about women, love women, and genuinely want to leave them better than you found them. But you don’t supplicate to women, and you don’t lose sight of your purpose.
In other words, you’re unapologetically yourself – not trying to fit some stereotype that you think will help you attract women.
Women will feel your vulnerability, and they’ll naturally be more comfortable around you and more trusting of you. This is essential in order to naturally move things faster with women.
Vulnerability takes time to develop. The happier you are with yourself and your life, the easier it will be to be vulnerable. So, always be working on improving yourself in every area, and keep your eyes on your purpose.
This trait can make you magnetic to people (and especially to women). Charisma is essentially the magical “something” that you can’t seem to put your finger on, but it draws people in and gets them interested. It’s charming, intriguing, and interesting.
And most importantly, it’s incredibly sexy to women.
There are three important factors to developing charisma:
1. Conviction. Charismatic people are sure of themselves and their actions. So, you need to believe in what you’re saying and speak with certainty. This is especially important if you want women to follow your lead.
2. Instant friendship. Charismatic people talk to everybody like they’ve been long-time friends. They immediately bring people into their world and treat them well. When you approach a girl, come from the mindset that you’ve known her for a long time – that you’re comfortable with her. This will amplify her trust in you and make the conversation go smoothly.
3. Not caring what others think of you. Charismatic people don’t let their actions be affected by what others will think of them. Many guys hold back from cracking a joke, or making a sexual innuendo, for fear of what the girl will think of them. Instead, try to be more unfiltered with your words and actions. Understand that no matter the outcome, life will go on.
Having a sexy vibe is a huge hack that the majority of men don’t know about. It’s easily one of the most powerful ways to accelerate your success with women.
It’ll help you avoid the friendzone, have more spontaneous adventures with women, and allow you to make things sexual a lot more quickly (and comfortably).
Want to learn how to master a vibe that draws women to you? Check out my ebook: Vibe: Naturally Attract Women