There’s only one thing stopping you from meeting the women you really find attractive…
It’s not your looks. It’s not your bank account. It’s not the lack of 6 pack abs…
It’s something far simpler:
The ability to start a conversation!
You see, if you know how to start a conversation with a girl the right way, everything else becomes much easier. Instead of hesitating when you see a beautiful girl, you’ll be able to walk right up to her, say hello, and capture her interest within seconds.
(And by the right way, I mean in an attractive way that peaks her interest. Not a “cat-call” or a drunken and sloppy “Ayyyyy girl” at the club.)
And if not? Well, you’ll struggle to get over that “start-a-conversation” obstacle. You’ll freeze up, hesitate, and probably never even consider approaching her. You’ll miss tons of opportunities to meet amazing women who you could’ve connected with.
You’ll struggle with the icky feeling of regret. You’ll ask, “What if?” with each opportunity you let pass by. I know that feeling of regret all too well, because it used to happen to me all the time.
But now that I’ve learned how to start a conversation with a girl, I meet a lot more women that I have chemistry with – and I want to show you how to do the same.
So, that’s exactly what I’ll talk about today.
You can take these tips and use them to start a conversation in a bar, cafe, club, or wherever. They’ll help you meet and connect with more girls immediately. You may also want to consider practicing these tips abroad, where women may be more receptive to your approaches. My friend Freddy runs a service that teaches you how to take trips abroad for nearly free using travel hacking techniques.
Sound good? Let’s get into the tips!
How to Start a Conversation With a Girl: 7 Tips to Effortlessly Approach Her
1. Increase Your Awareness of Beautiful Women
To start conversations with beautiful girls, you need to be aware of when they’re around you. Sounds simple, but it’s surprising how many guys lack this awareness. I used to have this problem as well.
I’d be walking down the street with a friend and he’d hit me on the arm, “Yo did you just see that girl?” And I had no idea what he was talking about. But much to my surprise, a certified dime had just walked by and I hadn’t even realized it.
As time went on, I learned to be more aware of my surroundings. Now I just about always catch beautiful girls when they’re in my vicinity. As a result, I have more opportunities to start conversations with them.
So, how can you increase your awareness of beautiful women? Here are a few tips to make it easy:
- Walk more slowly. Attractive men move more slowly through their environments. If you’re not in a rush, you don’t need to power-walk from location to location. You can slow down your pace and take everything in. Take time to notice your surroundings and the beautiful women within them.
- Position yourself in higher traffic environments at bars and clubs. Ideally, you should stand in a place where you can see a lot of people and they can also see you – but also one that is not too crowded so you can easily move. These places are usually on the ends of the bar or the edge of the dance floor (just don’t be one of those creepy dudes scoping out the dance floor hard like a high school dance).
- Watch your peripherals. Pay attention to your peripherals! Some sexy girls might just be off to the side. But if you notice them in your peripheral vision, you can turn towards them and start a conversation. This also allows you to notice beautiful women without blatantly staring through the crowd. It’s more subtle, which is always key in seduction.
2. Be Comfortable With Your Fear
Fear is natural when it comes to starting a conversation with a girl. It’ll never go away completely no matter how many times you do it. But that’s okay – you don’t have to eliminate the fear.
But you do need to learn to be comfortable with it. Be comfortable with those little butterflies that come up when you see a girl you know you want to talk to.
How do you do that?
Focus on feeling the fear when it comes up. Think to yourself, “Okay, I feel this fear, and it’s normal.”
Then realize this: The only thing you need to do to overcome this fear is to walk in the girl’s direction and say something.
As I talk about in my free video course on conversation and flirting, you can do “mini-approaches” to make it easier to start the conversation and overcome the fear. For example, you can ask her for the time or ask her for directions.
These mini-approaches will get you more comfortable starting and being in conversations with women.
3. Don’t Hesitate
Hesitation is an opportunity killer.
The longer you wait to approach a beautiful girl (especially if you’re on the beginner-level), the more difficult it will be to actually do it.
Excuses will pop into your head as to why you shouldn’t…
“She probably has a boyfriend…”
“She looks busy…”
“She’s not exactly my type of girl…”
But you and I both know that these excuses are bullshit, and they’re holding you back.
So, instead of hesitating, get in the habit of walking towards a girl the second you realize you want to talk to her. Once you’re in motion, you’ll have the momentum you need to actually do it. Then, if you freeze up, you can do one of the mini-approaches we talked about in the last tip.
4. Have Some Conversation Starters in Your Back Pocket
If you have some conversation starters to rely on, you’ll be less likely to freeze up and avoid approaching the girl.
You don’t need a handwritten list. Just a general idea of some good conversation starters that you can use at any time.
So, here are some conversation starters you can steal:
- “Hey, how’s it going?” Yes, this one is simple but that’s the beauty of it. You don’t have to dig for what to say or try and be all creative. And so, it shows confidence. This one is best to use at bars and clubs or and in other social environments.
- The direct approach. Here you say, ““Hey… I know this is reaaaallly random… but I saw you walking by… and I thought you were cute… So I had to say ‘Hi’…I’m [Your name].” This one is best to use during the day, when the social interaction isn’t as expected.
- The situational approach. Here, you pick out something from the environment, and use it to start the conversation. For example, let’s say the two of you are staring at one of those street performers who pose as a statue. You could say, “I always confuse these things with real statues. My friends always make fun of me for it.” This is a fun, tongue-in-cheek way to initiate the conversation.
5. Get Through the Initial Awkwardness
Most of the awkwardness of the conversation will be at the beginning. Specifically, within the first few seconds.
That’s typically because both of you are nervous. For her, she’s probably not in this situation very often. And for you, you’re talking to a pretty girl so there are bound to be some nerves.
That’s where the “10-second rule” comes into play.
Here’s the rule: the moment you feel awkward, stay in the conversation for 10 more seconds.
Whether it’s at the beginning of the interaction (which it usually is) or further along – just get through the 10 seconds of awkwardness without walking away.
What you’ll often find is that the awkwardness was either in your head, or that it wasn’t all that big of a deal anyway.
Once you get through that 10 seconds of awkwardness, it becomes much easier to connect with her and continue the conversation.
Plus, you won’t abandon opportunities where you could have grabbed a beautiful girl’s number and set up a date!
The next tip will help you a lot with getting through this initial awkwardness too…
6. Know How to Bridge the Conversation
You need to be able to bridge the conversation at some point within the first 30 seconds to a minute. Otherwise, you’ll get stuck in small talk and the conversation will die quickly.
So, how do you bridge the conversation and move it forward? Here are a few tips:
- Make an assumptive statement. You can make guesses about where she’s from (i.e. “You see like you’re from the South”), what she does for work (i.e. “You seem like you do something very creative”), or what type of person she is (i.e. “You seem like you’re an adventurous kind of girl”).
- Ask an open-ended question, like “What brings you to this city?”
- Ask, “What are you up to?” This is a great question to ask during the day, because it tells you her logistics (i.e. if she’s in a rush, or has some time to talk).
7. Assume Attraction
I talk about this a lot, and for good reason. It changes the game when it comes to starting a conversation with a girl.
Most guys default to thoughts like, “She’s probably not going to be into me.” Then, if they do muster up the balls to approach the girl, their reality reflects their beliefs and the girl rejects them.
But instead, you should adapt the “assume attraction” mindset.
Here’s how it works:
Is she dressed nice? It’s because she’s trying to impress you. She’s playing with her hair? She’s into you. She’s standing with good posture? It’s because she wants you to notice her breasts and her butt popping out.
Every single sign she gives you is a sign of attraction and interest.
When you assume women are attracted to you, you’ll start acting like it. You’ll make more sexual innuendos, lead women, have a sexier vibe, and put yourself in a position to succeed. You’ll be more comfortable interacting with women because you won’t be worried about picking up on their signs of attraction.
Bonus Tip: Learn to Recognize and Listen to Your “Gut Feelings”
You ever get a strong intuition that you should approach a girl?
Sure, sometimes you see an objectively sexy girl and think, “I should approach her.” That’s not what I mean.
Here, I’m talking about when you have that wrenching gut feeling that is practically pulling you towards a girl. She may not be the most objectively beautiful girl in the room, but there’s just something about her.
I’ve had this happen to be several times, and when it does, the gut feeling turns out to be correct around 90% of the time.
The more you interact with women and have success, the more common these “gut feelings” will be, and the more correct they’ll be.
Learn to recognize them and listen to them when they pop up. These gut feelings are a sign that you are naturally attracted to a girl, and there’s a good chance that she’ll be naturally attracted to you too if you go up and start the conversation.
Wrapping Up How to Start a Conversation With a Girl
Once you know how to start a conversation with a girl (and do it consistently), you’re dating life will drastically improve.
You’ll meet more women you have chemistry with, go on more dates, and improve your conversation skills. You’ll also build up the reference experiences you need to improve your confidence and level up in all aspects of life.
To recap, here are the 7 tips for how to start a conversation with a girl:
- Increase your awareness of beautiful women
- Be comfortable with your fear
- Don’t hesitate
- Have some conversation starters in your back pocket
- Get through the initial awkwardness
- Know how to bridge the conversation
- Assume attraction
Bonus tip: Learn to recognize and listen to your “gut feelings”
So get out there and start putting these tips into action!
And if you want more help with starting conversations and flirting like a pro, check out my brand new free video course on conversation and flirting! Just click the link below and enter your email to get instant access to the first video: