I have a sneaking suspicion that my laundromat is stealing my socks.

I guess I never really counted, but I could have sworn I had at least 10-15 pairs of socks.

After grabbing my bag of laundry from the wash/dry/fold place across the street, I was expecting an abundance of socks. Socks for days, weeks even.

I opened the bag, and to my utter surprise, what I found left my naked feet in a state of absolute terror.

TWO pairs of socks.

TWO fucking pairs.

Hell, I could go through TWO pairs of socks in a day. All it takes is an unexpected athletic endeavor to start the day, followed by some sort of casual sock-essential activity later in the evening.

If somebody invited me out to the courts to play basketball, and while I was playing basketball, my Jordan-like poise was impressive enough to gain an invite to a neighborhood “twister” game later in the evening, I would be fucked.

How am I supposed to put my left hand on red and my right foot on yellow, when my left foot is bare? Too devastating to imagine.

I’d HAVE to wear socks.

But where would that leave me in the morning? Sock-less.

Naked from the shin down.

But you know what? Maybe it’s better to be naked. Nothing to hide. Just stomping my bare foot on yellow and not giving a single fuck.

And now that I think of it, my shins are pretty sexy as far as lower leg attractiveness goes. It wouldn’t hurt to show them off, and it might just drive the ladies wild.

Comfort isn’t a guarantee. Sometimes you’ll be naked.

It might not be the little Asian lady across the street running a sock-stealing operation while fronting as a laundromat. It might be your boss firing you, or your girlfriend/boyfriend dumping you.

The jig is up, and cover is blown.

When you have nothing to hide, you have to be honest with yourself and figure out who you are.

Being naked is scary. You feel like everyone is looking at you.

“I can’t believe he quit his job, what was he thinking?”

“I heard she cheated on him.”

“Why is his sweaty foot on yellow?!”

But everyone is jealous of naked people because they’ve surrendered to the world. They have nothing to hold back.

In order to truly experience the world, you have to let the world experience you. That’s the beauty of being naked.

Take advantage of it.


Now let’s all go streaking.